Rant: Coffee drinkers

If, like me, you drink tea but don-t like coffee you may understand the premise of my forthcoming rant "“ but only if you make your drink in a communal area. Either I-m unlucky, in that the coffee drinkers I share resources with all have Parkinson-s disease, or it is a deliberate act of sabotage to infect our company-s sugar supply with grains of frozen donkey vomit. I-m unsure why coffee drinkers cannot make their beverage without depositing large quantities of the stuff in the sugar bowl. If you dislike coffee, you-ll understand "“ just a couple of grains of the devil-s spawn makes an entire cup of tea taste like you slurped it directly from a cow-s backside. There-s nothing I enjoy more than sifting through sugar trying to extricate the offending lumps of Nestle-s finest, so I-m giving serious consideration to returning the favour. I fear that spilling open tea bags into coffee supplies isn-t going to cut it - the "˜flavour- of the beans is enough to kill taste buds so I reckon it-ll have no problem against a few tea leaves. No, something more radical is required and I think I-m onto a win-win scenario. Apparently Cyanide is likely to have an acidic taste. I-m unsure how that-ll work out when mixed with coffee, but the resultant decrease in our office population ought to ensure that the sugar supply remains uncontaminated in future.